guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
