I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
