You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
