wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
