:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My pussy is not your playground.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize