There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
