I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I would fuck him just for his dog
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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