Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
