i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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