shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
