Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
