I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I currently don't understand fingers.
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