so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
