The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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