I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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