oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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