Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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