You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
