I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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