all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
