He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
