the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
