So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Let's get the cat blown out
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I forget how to act sober
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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