Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
