I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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