We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
