Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize