Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
