Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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