i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
