Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
