I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
