omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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