It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I can text with my tongue
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize