I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
