Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize