i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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