It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i wish my penis had a tongue
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
