I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
