I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
