This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
