I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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