Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize