The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
