i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
