The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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