please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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