You work out of a Hotel?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize