The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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