I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
