i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
