we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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