Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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