So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
