You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
