tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
