One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
