Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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