every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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