Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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