There is no way he is gay with that hair.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Even my vagina gasped.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
