Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
