I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize