also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
