She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
