I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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