Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
